Fighting my demons in my head- Anxiety

After some amazing feedback from my last couple of blog posts via my website I was asked by a close friend to give people a snap shot of something that I have been fighting for over 5yrs now. Something that is extremely common, yet not very well understood in our community. Anxiety.

From the outside looking in everything seems peachy in my life. After a great chat, my close friend asked me: “how does someone like you suffer with anxiety and depression? You always seem bubbly and you seem to have a great life. You’re a musician, life’s good yeah?” To be honest I struggled to give her and direct answer at first. I guess my anxiety built up over time, and only within the last year have I really started to get on top of it. But it’s been hard. I have had to completely trust my family and friends with some hard truths, things I thought I could never say or explain.

I guess the reason why I wanted to write about this was to hopefully make people feel more comfortable to come out and talk about their own demons that they might be struggling with, things that are bogging them down; just like I did. Talking to people I trust has helped me considerably.

If you’re someone who does not suffer from anxiety or mental illness, maybe try asking your close friends how they are doing, because the hardest thing is talking about your issues. So many of us bottle them in and don’t express ourselves enough. We live with this dark cloud of emotion sitting in our mind and it makes us sick…. I have lost some great friends to depression, and I know others who have lost loved ones too. The one thing I always asked myself after it was too late was “why didn’t I ask if everything was OK, or if I could’ve helped in anyway”, and “how didn’t I pick this?” these questions plague you forever.

I remember the day my anxiety started. It hit me so hard I thought I was going to die. I was walking through a shopping centre and this feeling I can’t explain exactly just hit me, like a wave… my heart rate increased and I was struggling to catch my breath. I was extremely scared.

The first anxiety attack I had was intense, but didn’t last too long. Once the feeling finally went away I didn’t know how to explain it to any of my friends, and I felt like I should ignore it. I bottled it up because I didn’t know how to “drop my guard” and show emotion to my family and friends. I thought they might think I was a little bit weird or soft, or something. Five years later and I still suffer mild anxiety, but I am on medication now to help prevent the attacks. I have found that the biggest help for me though this challenging part of my life is the people around me asking if I am OK, or if they can help in any way, being able to actually trust them with my feelings and drop my guard.

For me this blog post is actually really hard to write. I feel like I am letting you into a very vulnerable part of my soul, but too many of us tend to keep quiet about these demons and try to battle them alone. We bottle everything up, hold onto it and try to fight it ourselves. But lets face it, it’s so much easier when we have our loved ones there to help us get through it.

For me my guitar and my love for writing music has been my saviour my whole life. Music has been my outlet, my escape, and at times the only way I’ve felt I could communicate my demons to everyone without being judged or laughed at. My closest friend…

So next time your sitting next to a stranger, how about you take a second to think about what they might be struggling with. Give them a smile.
 That small token of kindness could help change their day, who knows, it can’t hurt and everyone loves a smile, they feel good!!

Sean Marchetti - Live acoustic artist and musician from Australia.

7 Comments

  1. Natalie 3 years ago

    Thanks for sharing your story, Sean! I’ve been battling anxiety and I’ve found it really difficult to understand why, which makes it feel hard to talk about it. So thanks for letting your guard down to help others feel they can do the same! Xx

    • Author
      Sean Marchetti 3 years ago

      No problem at all Nat, it is very hard to find the courage to speak up, but once you do you will feel so much better for it.
      thanks for the msg

  2. Crystal 3 years ago

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings and your world. I hope that every day gets easier Sean, and with another huge step like this in your journey, overcoming the burdens that play on your mind and your soul will soon be a faint memory of the past. Much love x

  3. Michael 3 years ago

    Takes alot of courage, bravery & guts to reveal ones anxiety to the world. You have big balls Sean & that’s something you must be very proud of if you’re already not.
    One thing about anxiety is that it is a beast that has to be tamed daily. It’s not something that will just go away one day & never come back. I use to try & treat mine w/ alcohol, there was never enough bottles or bottomless cups to keep up. One thing i’ve learnt is that when you’re depressed you tend to live in your own mind. Like you could be in a room filled w/ friends and family but your sitting in your own head and it’s loud in their of fear & negativity.
    I’ve never had anxiety attacks & could not even imagine going through them – bless your soul for having to battle through them. I have heart palpatations & insomnia. As you could imagine the lack of sleep feeds the anxiety & depression further. You’re very brave for being able to tell your fam & friends – that’s a huge thing to do and i give you a lifetime of respect for it. Funny how musicians seem to battle anxiety & depression, people of the arts etc. one thing that really helped me out was writing lyrics and to this day pen poems to vent. It’s such a great way to air the mind out & release the heart from tensions. You would know exactly what i mean since you’re a musician yourself.
    Continued strength to you & wish you positivity & peace in mind. Thank you for the article!

  4. nathan bartlett 3 years ago

    U da man homie nothing but love.

  5. MT 3 years ago

    Thank you for sharing your journey with anxiety and depression. I suffer from anxiety, and have found ways to deal with it and keep it under raps. Self talk, positive affirmations, orgaising my life so that I feel in control. Then I met and feel in love with the most amazing man. He suffers more severely than I do with anxiety, and it presents itself in a different way in him. Having me to support him, understand him and partake in dealing with it every day has helped him. It’s harder for men – given that women naturally talk through everything with their friends and being ’emotional’ is far more acceptable for us. So to read your article made me so happy. Spreading the word and empowering men to talk about it will only bring good! Thanks again.

  6. Tamela 2 years ago

    I got this web site from my friend who informed me
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